Friday, November 23, 2007

Black Friday

"I really can't afford this TV -- I'll be making monthly payments on my credit card until this time next year," the 19-year-old Laguna Niguel resident said. "But it's the holidays. You do what you have to do."

- From an LA TIMES article today.

Also, check out my friend Tommy's Blog for some interesting comments sent to him by his professor regarding Black Friday.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007


I don't know what to blog about anymore. Mainly that is because I find it hard to collect my thoughts into a cohesive blog. In fact, a lot of times I'll sit down and start blogging... and then give up and erase it all because it makes absolutely no sense.

So I've decided, this time, to just write. The next few paragraphs are me just writing about whatever comes to mind... so please don't feel like you should read it, or that I expect anyone to read it - it's more for my own good.

Being a parent is hard. There are so many things you have to think about, and I am not a very good planner/organizer/time manager. And without adequate sleep, I begin to forget things... there's always something that needs to get done, and I forget to do half of it. I've also found that I suck at prioritizing. Sometimes I'll spend an hour on something worthless, and then realize I could have been doing one of the things I need to get done. That's hard for me - I really feel bad about it afterward, but don't really know how to change. I feel like I need a billion post-it notes taped to my body so I won't forget things. But then, organization takes time, and I feel like time is limited these days. Perhaps I need to figure out ways to get things done faster, or to do the things that matter the most first, and wait on the superfluous things. I need to manage my time better, otherwise things start to suffer: my marriage, the house (the yard), the youth group, friendships, and eventually - me. But I seem to only be able to concentrate on the thing that is suffering at the moment, thus forgetting about the other things until they suffer. It's this vicious cycle. For instance, I eat crappy food until I get sick, then I eat really good, feel better, then it's back to eating crappy because when I'm feeling good I don't have time to think about eating healthy. It's stupid, I know, but it seems to be how things are going at this point in my life.

It's hard managing your time between yourself, your wife, your kids, your job, your friends, God, and then everything else you have to do: bills, cleaning, taking a shower, watching tv, checking email, playing the wii ^_^ Has anyone figured it out yet?

And then I think of people who have done really amazing things, or have built their own business or something, and I wonder - how the hell did they find time for that? I can barely run my own life. And this made me ponder today, I haven't really been thinking about others - meaning, the poor, the sick, the needy; because I can barely think about myself and taking care of all the needs of my own family. Perhaps this is why Jesus was single; he could give much more of his time to the needy. So is it wrong to focus on your family so much and forget about - at least a little bit - the poor and needy? Will there come a time when I am more established and feel like I can focus on more things than I can right now? I sure hope so...

Am I happy right now? Well I know I am really overwhelmed - not just in the bad sense of feeling out of touch and a little frazzled - but also in the good sense of having so many good feelings about life, family, and our beautiful baby girl. But I feel like all my emotions get thrown into a big mush pot and I don't really feel any of them... it's just this constant stream of BLAH and trying to get through each day. There is no clarity, no definition.

And how is my faith? Well... I feel like I have been on cruise control just going through the motions - not that this is completely bad, a person has to survive, but I am looking forward to the day soon when I can learn again, be challenged and feel like God is moving me in a direction. I do feel like God is watching over Robin and I, and he still has plans for us to be his disciples... but right now all we can think about is Amalea... and I'm ok with that. She is making my faith stronger...

Here are some random thoughts for the moment:

.. Formula smells bad, and makes Amalea's poop smell retched.
.. Sleep is beautiful, and I suck at it.
.. Breast pumps are weird looking.
.. God is freakin' incredible... how did he do it? Create breathing? Create life?
.. You can chant Amalea's name like the sports chant "Let's go Dodgers... da, da, da da da da" - "A - MA - LEE - AH... da, da, da da da"
.. You can also sing Amalea's name a billion different ways, most of which I have tried.
.. I can eat a whole meal in three bites, and then get to Amalea before she cries.
.. Burping babies make me jump out of bed in the middle of the night.
.. The commute to work is the most peaceful part of my day.
.. watching someone you love be in pain, any kind of pain, is the worst thing in the world.

more to come.