Sunday, October 14, 2007

Being a father...

I have had two weeks of being a father and how do I feel? Overwhelmed.

Amalea was born two weeks ago on Oct. 1 - and since then, things have been so weird. Suddenly there is this person, this little innocent person that you just can't stop thinking about. There is always something to do; change a diaper, burp her, rock her to sleep, try to wake her up, give her a bath - and when I'm not trying to help with Amalea, there's always our lives that still keep going on; laundry, dishes, work, Zelda (ok that's not a necessity), etc. Life is so busy and demanding now, not to mention scary.

Tonight Amalea would not stop crying. And I don't mean a whimper or a little wah wah every other second. This was a non-stop breath taking, chill-giving scream-a-thon with no end in sight. Poor little thing looked like she was on the verge of death. And I held her and rocked her and put her over my shoulder to try and burp her while she screamed in my ear... but no luck, just scream scream scream. And who do you call? Is it bad enough to call 911? Is it bad enough to drive 30 minutes to the ER? Kaiser has no hotline, no nurse to talk to... so you're left weighing what you should do... and you're never really sure you made the right decision even when you buckle down and make a decision. I guess that describes fatherhood to a T. You do what you can - you do what you think you have to in any given moment, and pray that it's the right thing. Of course there is preperation and reading advice from professionals, but half the time they all contradict themselves, and all you can trust is intuition.

Robin is a great mother. She is so patient with Amalea, and so diligent at making sure she gets fed and I can tell it pains her to see her baby cry.

Together we are figuring this thing out, this crazy task that God has given to us to create and then raise children. Insane.

i've never felt overwhelmed in my whole life... wow.

2 comments:

Garret said...

you are a dad and that is crazy

Cyndi "Mom" Krill said...

It's amazing how you can put your experiences into words...I've felt all the things you are starting to feel in raising 5 children, but never had the ability to write about it! It's really fascinating to read. And I'm so anxious to see dear little Amalea again...missing her terribly. Love and prayers that God will give you whatever you need to be the best parent you can be for each and every moment of the day. grammy p.s. I'm so proud of both you and Robin for the way you're adjusting to parenthood.