Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Sliding Down Canyons

I feel like a mud slide slowly losing my grip and breaking apart. I think it's the lack of sleep. I feel myself trying so hard to not just break apart, emotionally, but when your body feels tired, worn down, and pain-ridden, you have very little to hold onto before it all just comes tumbling down.

Being a parent is really hard. I'm sure it is probably easier for some others who probably have no problem with 4 or 5 hours of sleep and all the added stress in life, but i'm just not that strong. I have no pride, I'll just say it... this is hard for me. It's hard for both Robin and I. It's like, you want so badly to be a great parent and you try and try to stay positive, patient, and energetic, but you start to get discouraged when you realize how hard and frustrating it can be at times that you're not sure if you will always do the right thing. And then, at least for me, I get scared that I'm going to be a bad parent... and you start to feel sad. So many strange emotions in the Krill household right now. But so much joy at the same time. It's hard to talk about how hard it is - cause it is hard - because there really are so many moments of joy and laughter. So many smiles and hugs. I suppose that is what keeps us from sliding down the canyon.

I love my family... Robin and Amalea. I never could have imagined that in January of 2008 this is where I would be in my life; and I love it. It's so exciting and so fun... and I know that God will see us through all the hard parts... the slipping and breaking. I know that with every great adventure comes wastelands where you're not sure if you'll survive... where supplies are low and you're making sacrifices to get by... but if you just push through you'll arrive at the green valleys where you can play in the rivers and dance on the shores. Without the deserts and trials, the sweetness would not be as sweet; the joy as joyful. So I'm thankful, in a way, for these hard times... knowing that God is maturing Robin and I as parents, partners, and lovers - and there will come easier days.

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