I'm not against children's music - I love Rafi. But children's praise songs are about the worst collection of songs ever written... and this tops that list. Listener beware; this is the worst song, EVER.
* This is from a Kid's DISCovery cd that Marty got. It highlights new worship music for kids... haha. The name of this "Band" is Covenant Canyon's Cowboy Hat Choir... need I say more?
Monday, October 29, 2007
Monday, October 22, 2007
My new life
Can I even relate what it feels like to have a child?
Everything changes.
And I don't just mean that you have less time for yourself (I'm so annoyed by those people who make it sound like they regret having kids). I'm talking, EVERYTHING changes. Suddenly the glasses you have been wearing up until now get shattered, replaced with new lens, and everything is different. Not only do you see things differently, you hear things differently, you feel things differently. Whatever chemical it is that our bodies release when we become parents (OXYTOSINE?) - it alters reality.
It enhances reality.
But more specifically, being a parent increases empathy.
For the first time I am beginning to understand, or at least empathize, with certain people.
For instance, I understand over protective parents. I still don't think it is healthy to be super over protective - but I understand how people become that.
I understand marital and family issues, how stressful parenting can be and how some who aren't prepared (mentally/spiritually) can break and lose it.
Suddenly the world is beginning to make more sense... and it doesn't freak me out, or make me angry. Instead, it gives me hope. I know that sounds weird... but in a way it helps me see the why behind certain things in the world which helps me be a better pastor. I don't know how to describe that - except that my job is to see the unseen. To witness the why's and help people see, understand, empathize, and hopefully... forgive. We could all use a little forgiveness. A little grace. Being a parent has taught me grace... we are all fragile, we are all weak. We are all trying the best we can with the hand we've been dealt. Even that effort of trying the best we can is effected by our pasts... it is all connected.
Things are beginning to make sense. But there are still so many mysteries. How do families become so dysfunctional and brothers and sisters, parents and kids become so angry towards each other? Where does it start? Can you see destruction happening - or does it just hit you in the face one day... Will it happen to us? So many questions still... a journey, a new life I am learning to live. A new dance to learn... and now Robin, Amalea and I are taking our first steps...stumbling to the rhythm, learning the dance.
Everything changes.
And I don't just mean that you have less time for yourself (I'm so annoyed by those people who make it sound like they regret having kids). I'm talking, EVERYTHING changes. Suddenly the glasses you have been wearing up until now get shattered, replaced with new lens, and everything is different. Not only do you see things differently, you hear things differently, you feel things differently. Whatever chemical it is that our bodies release when we become parents (OXYTOSINE?) - it alters reality.
It enhances reality.
But more specifically, being a parent increases empathy.
For the first time I am beginning to understand, or at least empathize, with certain people.
For instance, I understand over protective parents. I still don't think it is healthy to be super over protective - but I understand how people become that.
I understand marital and family issues, how stressful parenting can be and how some who aren't prepared (mentally/spiritually) can break and lose it.
Suddenly the world is beginning to make more sense... and it doesn't freak me out, or make me angry. Instead, it gives me hope. I know that sounds weird... but in a way it helps me see the why behind certain things in the world which helps me be a better pastor. I don't know how to describe that - except that my job is to see the unseen. To witness the why's and help people see, understand, empathize, and hopefully... forgive. We could all use a little forgiveness. A little grace. Being a parent has taught me grace... we are all fragile, we are all weak. We are all trying the best we can with the hand we've been dealt. Even that effort of trying the best we can is effected by our pasts... it is all connected.
Things are beginning to make sense. But there are still so many mysteries. How do families become so dysfunctional and brothers and sisters, parents and kids become so angry towards each other? Where does it start? Can you see destruction happening - or does it just hit you in the face one day... Will it happen to us? So many questions still... a journey, a new life I am learning to live. A new dance to learn... and now Robin, Amalea and I are taking our first steps...stumbling to the rhythm, learning the dance.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Being a father...
I have had two weeks of being a father and how do I feel? Overwhelmed.
Amalea was born two weeks ago on Oct. 1 - and since then, things have been so weird. Suddenly there is this person, this little innocent person that you just can't stop thinking about. There is always something to do; change a diaper, burp her, rock her to sleep, try to wake her up, give her a bath - and when I'm not trying to help with Amalea, there's always our lives that still keep going on; laundry, dishes, work, Zelda (ok that's not a necessity), etc. Life is so busy and demanding now, not to mention scary.
Tonight Amalea would not stop crying. And I don't mean a whimper or a little wah wah every other second. This was a non-stop breath taking, chill-giving scream-a-thon with no end in sight. Poor little thing looked like she was on the verge of death. And I held her and rocked her and put her over my shoulder to try and burp her while she screamed in my ear... but no luck, just scream scream scream. And who do you call? Is it bad enough to call 911? Is it bad enough to drive 30 minutes to the ER? Kaiser has no hotline, no nurse to talk to... so you're left weighing what you should do... and you're never really sure you made the right decision even when you buckle down and make a decision. I guess that describes fatherhood to a T. You do what you can - you do what you think you have to in any given moment, and pray that it's the right thing. Of course there is preperation and reading advice from professionals, but half the time they all contradict themselves, and all you can trust is intuition.
Robin is a great mother. She is so patient with Amalea, and so diligent at making sure she gets fed and I can tell it pains her to see her baby cry.
Together we are figuring this thing out, this crazy task that God has given to us to create and then raise children. Insane.
i've never felt overwhelmed in my whole life... wow.
Amalea was born two weeks ago on Oct. 1 - and since then, things have been so weird. Suddenly there is this person, this little innocent person that you just can't stop thinking about. There is always something to do; change a diaper, burp her, rock her to sleep, try to wake her up, give her a bath - and when I'm not trying to help with Amalea, there's always our lives that still keep going on; laundry, dishes, work, Zelda (ok that's not a necessity), etc. Life is so busy and demanding now, not to mention scary.
Tonight Amalea would not stop crying. And I don't mean a whimper or a little wah wah every other second. This was a non-stop breath taking, chill-giving scream-a-thon with no end in sight. Poor little thing looked like she was on the verge of death. And I held her and rocked her and put her over my shoulder to try and burp her while she screamed in my ear... but no luck, just scream scream scream. And who do you call? Is it bad enough to call 911? Is it bad enough to drive 30 minutes to the ER? Kaiser has no hotline, no nurse to talk to... so you're left weighing what you should do... and you're never really sure you made the right decision even when you buckle down and make a decision. I guess that describes fatherhood to a T. You do what you can - you do what you think you have to in any given moment, and pray that it's the right thing. Of course there is preperation and reading advice from professionals, but half the time they all contradict themselves, and all you can trust is intuition.
Robin is a great mother. She is so patient with Amalea, and so diligent at making sure she gets fed and I can tell it pains her to see her baby cry.
Together we are figuring this thing out, this crazy task that God has given to us to create and then raise children. Insane.
i've never felt overwhelmed in my whole life... wow.
Saturday, September 29, 2007
E. DICKINSON (1862)
I know it's been a long time, and even now - I have no thoughts of my own to share, but instead a poem that I found, and love:
I died for Beauty - but was scarce
Adjusted in the tomb
When One who died for Truth, was lain
In an adjoining Room-
He questioned softly "Why I failed"?
"For Beauty", I replied-
"And I - for Truth - Themself are One-
We brethren, are", he said
And so, as Kinsmen, met a Night-
We talked between the Rooms-
Until the Moss had reached our lips-
And covered up-our names-
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Friday, September 14, 2007
SLEEPY
Two weeks of "my new job" which isn't new at all, just a little more responsibility, and I am already so tired. I feel like I have worked every day for the past two weeks, and I am starting to feel it. I just keep thinking about how tired I will be when Amalea comes... and it does not make me mad or regret in any way having a child - it just makes me a little nervous: How will I respond to little to no sleep?
I have been thinking a lot about sleep lately. Recently I listened to a Radio Lab podcast about sleep, and they say that Scientists don't really know why we sleep - only that when we don't, BAD things happen. People get irritable and down right nasty. Sometimes I wonder, will I ever yell at my daughter? I can't decide. Everyone says, "Oh you will." And I don't want to be snobby and think that I really won't... but I really don't think I could - at least, not in the "losing it yell for no reason yell because I'm pissed the Dodgers lost" sort of way. you know?
Anyway... perhaps we'll just have to wait and see!
All I know is that Amalea is going to be given life and to the fullest. I will do my best to create a space where she can dream, where she can find her voice, and learn to love. I will hold her when she cries and is hurting, and listen when she discovers new things. I will let her imagine, I will let her create. She will laugh and we will sing together. Dance, and perhaps cry together. She is a blank canvas and she will hold the paint brush of her life, and I can't wait to see what she paints. She will be beautiful... and she will be loved.
And if she's a he - he will be cherished and given the chance to explore and figure things out, and I will love him so much.
God, thank you for life.
I have been thinking a lot about sleep lately. Recently I listened to a Radio Lab podcast about sleep, and they say that Scientists don't really know why we sleep - only that when we don't, BAD things happen. People get irritable and down right nasty. Sometimes I wonder, will I ever yell at my daughter? I can't decide. Everyone says, "Oh you will." And I don't want to be snobby and think that I really won't... but I really don't think I could - at least, not in the "losing it yell for no reason yell because I'm pissed the Dodgers lost" sort of way. you know?
Anyway... perhaps we'll just have to wait and see!
All I know is that Amalea is going to be given life and to the fullest. I will do my best to create a space where she can dream, where she can find her voice, and learn to love. I will hold her when she cries and is hurting, and listen when she discovers new things. I will let her imagine, I will let her create. She will laugh and we will sing together. Dance, and perhaps cry together. She is a blank canvas and she will hold the paint brush of her life, and I can't wait to see what she paints. She will be beautiful... and she will be loved.
And if she's a he - he will be cherished and given the chance to explore and figure things out, and I will love him so much.
God, thank you for life.
Sunday, September 9, 2007
SUNDAYS
It is by far the best day of the week. Sundays start earlier then any day of the week for me. It's up and adam (whatever that means) at 7 or 7:30 (depending on if I want to get to church on time... not that I really have to) then off to church at around 9.
Robin and I get through the first service, usually passing notes to each other or whispering things in each others ears (yes i know we're going to hell for this) and then it's off to lead the youth through some exciting worship songs (they look like the zombies on 28 days later) and then try and teach them something new (we actually do have some pretty interesting conversations most of the time). It's great seeing all of our friends (by friends I mean the high school and Jr. highers) and most Sundays we go out to lunch after church with a bunch of the teens.
It's just such a relaxing day.
When we get home, the house feels so peaceful, and Robin and I usually just sit around and enjoy being tired on the couch (I know this all changes very soon). We play video games or watch movies (today we watched another one of my Anime films), check our email or take a nap - we're just lazy - and it's great.
From the time we get home from church, to the time we eat dinner, those few hours are the most precious to me. I feel like in those few hours, Robin and I can do whatever we want...
Sunday dinners we try and make, so we spend some quality time at the table talking about the week to come, the week past, and church that day. Our meals are simple - usually just an entre (most of the time it's those frozen meals from Trader Joes) and a salad or other vegetable concoction. We help each other with the dishes, and then sometimes take a walk in the setting sun and the afternoon breeze. It's very serene.
In the evening, it's more of nothing - or a little planning for the week, reading, writing in our blogs, or more video games. Sometimes we play Scrabble... I love that.
Right now, Robin is resting on the couch, her belly exposed and just waiting to pop. Even in this constant state of discomfort, she looks peaceful. Sundays do that to us. We dont think about Monday or the fact we have to go back to work... all we can do is rest. It's beautiful. Amalea will not "ruin" these moments, she will only bring more vibrant color and life to this almost perfect day. She will fill the room with laughter and emotion, and fill our hearts with joy. We are so excited for her to come.
Robin and I get through the first service, usually passing notes to each other or whispering things in each others ears (yes i know we're going to hell for this) and then it's off to lead the youth through some exciting worship songs (they look like the zombies on 28 days later) and then try and teach them something new (we actually do have some pretty interesting conversations most of the time). It's great seeing all of our friends (by friends I mean the high school and Jr. highers) and most Sundays we go out to lunch after church with a bunch of the teens.
It's just such a relaxing day.
When we get home, the house feels so peaceful, and Robin and I usually just sit around and enjoy being tired on the couch (I know this all changes very soon). We play video games or watch movies (today we watched another one of my Anime films), check our email or take a nap - we're just lazy - and it's great.
From the time we get home from church, to the time we eat dinner, those few hours are the most precious to me. I feel like in those few hours, Robin and I can do whatever we want...
Sunday dinners we try and make, so we spend some quality time at the table talking about the week to come, the week past, and church that day. Our meals are simple - usually just an entre (most of the time it's those frozen meals from Trader Joes) and a salad or other vegetable concoction. We help each other with the dishes, and then sometimes take a walk in the setting sun and the afternoon breeze. It's very serene.
In the evening, it's more of nothing - or a little planning for the week, reading, writing in our blogs, or more video games. Sometimes we play Scrabble... I love that.
Right now, Robin is resting on the couch, her belly exposed and just waiting to pop. Even in this constant state of discomfort, she looks peaceful. Sundays do that to us. We dont think about Monday or the fact we have to go back to work... all we can do is rest. It's beautiful. Amalea will not "ruin" these moments, she will only bring more vibrant color and life to this almost perfect day. She will fill the room with laughter and emotion, and fill our hearts with joy. We are so excited for her to come.
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